“… We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.”
- Paulo Coelho, By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept
She shuddered at the term ‘international law’. Her eyes hastily drifted away from the computer screen. Images of striped white blouse, microphone and red carpet flashed through her mind. She pushed them away. Going against a senior lawyer from a reputable university. What was she thinking? Embarassing herself in front of the panel of speakers. “Can we change the world?” What the hell? Of course we can’t. But why did she have to ask that in that jam-packed hall? She thought the only female speaker was impressed by her. Now she’s not sure whether that smile was really a smirk. Putting down the UN when he stands by the Charter like it was the Bible. Such brazen actions can only be done by those who don’t know much.
That applause? It was from the ignorant. That smirk? It was from the wise. All she wanted to do was to impress the people with her skills. She didn’t care much about the content. She had a seed of a question growing in her mind. But she didn’t let it grow first to see what kind of plant it is. What kind of flower it would produce. Red? Blue? She just went ahead and threw the seed towards them. Oh yes, she was on cloud nine after it ended. People were indeed impressed by her. She got what she wanted. Attention, praises, admiration. But they’re from the ignorant. Or the wise pretending to be nice. The next day made it worse. She just had to approach him. She just had to question him again. He brushed her off, left her in the lurch. There was no time to spare for this ignorant little lady.
She stumbled then. Now she has found her strength again. The kind of strength that would not be there but for the fall. After all, in the face of past stupidity, courage is all she has to hold on to.
Great ocean,
I am humbled
by your vastness.
There were times that
I cupped some of you in my hands
and I thought
I had all of you
with me.
My pride was overwhelming.
Now I see the absurdity.
Great ocean,
I look at all those who own parts of you
and I wonder
How do they gather all that water?
How do they obtain so much?
Great ocean,
How do I become them?
When I try,
I dip my cupped hands in you
and I laugh in ecstasy
when I look at you in my hands.
Overwhelmingly proud again.
But I watch in horror
as you seep through
the gaps
between my fingers.
Humbled again.
Who am I to think that I’ve owned you?
So there I go again
Pacing the beach
With traces of you on my palms.
That is all I’ve ever had.
Traces.
I wonder,
When can I own more of you,
much more of you,
in this amount of time?
How?
Lament
that things have changed
the swings are rusty and covered with dirt
the grass has been cut so many times
Lament
how it is so quiet now
they have left the house
it’s just the two of us now
Lament
how simple things were then
When the big concerns were
those pair of new shoes
or that unfinished Math homework
But once
the lamenting stops
I see
that the sunlight
has always been there
staring
smiling
waiting
for me to realise
it has always been the same
I’ve just been occupied.
Sadly.
This silent competition
Characterised by
comparison
based on
society’s perception.
Who is the victor?
The constant superior?
Or the one who never competes?
Gauging gauging
Where am I?
Compare compare
Where do I stand?
Better, worse
How do I know?
Superior, inferior
Which am I?
Why does it matter?
Since
temporary equilibrium
is all I can achieve
Then down I go again
Inferior at last
As I’ve always been
Tired, sick
of all this
endless
worthless
futile
effort
…just to feel
secure
Dethroned
in a small way
Dethroned
in a minute way
Not because you want to
Not because you intend to
My crown
gold and shining
My jewels
red and big
Would be surprised if you’re indifferent
Was happy that you were sulky
offended
I could play the good rich fellow
You could play the jealous friend
Until
I realised
There is no play here
It was never play time for you
I’m sorry
for being so cruel
I was dethroned
in a big way
Your nobility
embarasses me
“… We do want the maximum of competition between firms, but not between individuals. We want a lot of cooperation between individuals, for one reason above all – that life is more enjoyable that way. Cooperation may also improve final output, but in many cases it will not – competition can be a formidable spur. But the final output is only justified by its contribution to happiness. A world where everyone else appears as a threat is unlikely to generate much happiness, even if it generates massive output.”
-Richard Layard, Happiness and Public Policy: A Challenge to the Profession, The Economic Journal, March 2006
judge
from what is known
from what is seen
judge
from the pieces of truths
half truths
and blatant lies
threatened
by similarities
by unfamiliarities
threatened by every single thing
…until declared inferior
perceptions
outlooks
generalisations…
gathered from years of ignorance
their growth limited by time
decide what is chosen
every day
Pleasures
undiluted
when kept to oneself
Pleasures
undisturbed
when pure and personal
Dirtied by the nag to tell the world
Prostituted by exposure
What is there to hold on to
when everything is out there
when transparency is a common thing
What is there to own
when everything is out there
free to be used
