You hailed me as a crystal from the sea
so rare
so pure
so intriguing
I believed myself to be
but then it changed so quickly
You found so many other
beautiful ones
I guess you thought I was unique
But it was just that you weren’t looking around
Toss me back into the sea
You should have never picked me up
This excitement
Without my jumps
Without my twirling
Without my laughs
The gurgling of the heart
Is absent
The shortness of breath
Is absent
Yet I feel it
By not feeling it
This is new
And I welcome it
Quietly…
Like it has always been there
I should be falling
My body is in the air
But I’m still waiting
I think
I want to let go
I speak
As if I know
But my toes are still on the ledge
I don’t even know how they’re holding me
Even though I want to be glad
I know I can’t let go of me
How do I value
What I can achieve
If it’s easy for you
To shove it aside?
I have to tell you
How hard it was
I have to show you
The struggle that was
I have to live it
I have to show it
Where else do I live if not in your eyes?
You
The one I wanted to impress
I thought
I was above you, no less
But now
I see that you I want to be
And I’m
Left to face the real me
This persona
that I want you to believe
is ironic
Because it’s what I’ve achieved
After years of breaking myself down
and looking forward to a new being
I refuse it right in the eye
because to the old I duly cling
How can I blame
this arduous gain
for it’s exactly what I had wished for
How could I see
this wish inside me
is not what I wanted at all?
